Happy Birthday, Heidi!

I love you, big sister. For a little birthday laughter, thought I'd send you a few funny memories from over the years. ENJOY!!!

• Ellen trying to sneak into your room on Woodland Drive, but then farting SUPER loud and waking you up
  
• Ma Pig
  
• Throwing crab apples into the porta-potties at Midway Archery (EW, why would we even do that?)
  
• "I am bored with the zoo. When can we go back to the hotel and watch Jack Tripper?"
  
• Your after-bar psycho moment whipping the biker chick's leather jacket to the pavement, then driving over it, reversing BACK over it, and squealing away into the night.
  
• Your horrible job antics at previous jobs (companies withheld!!!): (breaking into HR and stealing your personnel file; then throwing the keys into a random empty desk)
  
• They're blinking and beeping and flashing BLINKING AND BEEPING AND FLASHING I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pause* I'm alright. I'm alright.
  
• "I'll have a hamburger, a cheeseburger..." "You'll get nothing and like it!!!" (Judge SHMAILS)
  
• Going to the treat stand at Palisades Park, and you *really* lighting the ends of candy cigarettes to make them look more authentic
  
• Ting soda
  
• Puppet shows out of paper plates behind the deacon's bench
  
• Your childhood dream of wanting to own a school bus, because of the fun door. **NOTE ABOVE PICTURE WHERE WE ARE IN YOUR PRETEND BUS (AKA BUNK-BED)
• "Dad, I would love to be a truck-driver. That way I could drive around all day, listening to music and smoking cigarettes."
  
• Dad smashing your 2 Live Crew tape with a sledgehammer
  
• Totally losing it and yelling at Mom for crunching on almonds
  
• Riding those stupid, slow cars at Great America
  
• Learning how to ride bikes in the Good Will parking lot (on the banana seat bike)
  
• Calling Ellen "Ethel" for a good part of her life
  
• Trying to sneak out of the house and then accidentally backing into the garage door
  
• "I see Mary Kay's house, youuuuuu donnnnn't"
  
• Hiding flashlights underneath the bunkbeds and then sneaking out to see if Santa came
  
• Setting up "traps" in the gravel (peel-tops from beer cans) in hopes that Missy Apker would step on them with her bare feet.
  
• "MOM! Jessica threw a pie in my face!"
  
• Playing flashlight tag
  
• Dad's coworker: "Hey Ron, did you know I saw Heidi kissing a black man on College Avenue this weekend???"
  
• "It smells like poop." *pause* "It IS poop!!! AUUUUGHHHH!"
  
• (in Mexico) "Mom and Dad, I need $20." "For what?" "Cigarettes." "You're going to buy POT, aren't you?" "No!" "Fine, if you just need the money for cigarettes, here's $5." "JUST GIVE ME THE TWENTY DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
  
• A loaf o' bread, contain' o' milk, and a STICK O' BUTTA!
  
• "So, why do you think they decided to give him a cleft palate for this role?"
  
• Putting a special "bend" in the old maid card so that you could always identify it and never pick that one