Here are some tips for you guys out there, in case you're considering online dating. To ensure a great first impression, try some of the following:
First of all, be sure to list "SEX" in your hobbies/interests section. Not creepy at all.
Second. Make sure to have the phrase "LOVE TO WORK OUT" peppered throughout your profile. Go on and on about how important it is for you to go to the gym for your lifting sessions every day. We are sure to be impressed with your dedication to meatheaded-ness. (And really looking forward to caressing your steroid-induced zitty back, if things should progress to that level. Will you leave your weight belt on for me??????)
Third. We won't know you're bald if you're wearing a winter hat in each picture, even indoors while simultaneously wearing shorts.
Fourth. We won't notice you're 5'5" tall if you pose next to people that are even shorter than you are.
Lastly. And most importantly! Post unusual and eye-catching photographs of yourself. Particularly, try to have at least one where you're sitting at your computer, alone in the dark, with SUNGLASSES on. Or, pose shirtless in front of the bathroom mirror and take a self-photograph. Besides the camera flash (and toilet) reflecting in the mirror, we could almost swear it's a candid shot of you at the beach. (If you don't have a camera, just use a photograph from 10 years ago when you were thinner, tanner, and had more hair.)
Seriously, Folks. SERIOUSLY.
3 comments:
i love this - it's hilarious!!!
oh yeah - i made all those photos in adobe...easiest way to combine all my pictures.
So, you totally forgot to mention that one of the things you're thankful for, should naturally be 'your appearance' HAHAHA I almost pee'd my pants after reading this blog this morning, especially after our conversation last night!!
Oh yes Jen. I almost forgot about that. Out of alllllll things in this life to be thankful for -- "MY APPEARANCE" ??? Douche.
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